Does anyone else ever feel like the Lord is playing tricks on you? It feels blasphemes to even ask that, but that is just how I have been feeling lately. So first Jeven brakes his jaw, then the never-ending miscarriage, and now the long drawn out flu! If you know me at all, you know that one of my biggest fears in life is to throw up, or worse, to have my family throwing up. So I prayed all week, knowing Donny's sister and nieces would be in town this past week, that He would protect all of us from any sickness. Those girls are always sick; there mother would attest to that. So I prayed that specifically the Lord would keep the throwing up stuff out of our house, and what happened? Ashlee, the oldest daughter, started throwing up the first morning she was here and never stopped the whole time she was here! I know some, if not most people, are not like me and don't really care about this kind of stuff. But for me, it is like the world has ended. And what really gets to me is that I prayed all week specifically for this very thing. And now, we are in for this big flu. And not only that, but Ashlee would throw up then feel totally fine, then throw up again, then feel totally fine. So that is what happened to Jeven. He was sick yesterday morning then completely fine the entire rest of the day; never once complaining of a tummy ache, so we went to bed thinking it was over. Then Donny goes into his room this morning to find Jeven laying in a pile of his puke. Sorry for the graphics. So now, we will never know if this is really over and meanwhile, the rest of us possibly getting it. Nedless to say, I am freaking out and having a hard time trusting in the Lord. I know I know, the Lord allows hard times in our lives to make us stronger. I really do know all of that. But it really just seems like everything I pray, he does the exact opposite! Donny often reminds me the Lord isn't our genie who grants our wishes...I know that too! But why is it that it seems like he is playing with me? Some people just don't do well with certain things...why can't that be okay? Why does it seems like he is playing it up?
I really do love the Lord, and in my heart know He knows best. But I am having a hard time submitting to his will when it seems like He continues to take me through fires. I am to the point where I don't even know why to pray. If I pray for His will, then why pray for mine too? I am tempted to pray the opposite of what I would like, cause it seems like that is what happens anyway.
So, all this to say I would love your prayers, and even advice to get through this. Thanks for listening!
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3 comments:
Hi Blogger,
I just wanted to respond to your blog..., I don't actually have a blog but while surfing the Bloggers I came across some postings that had Scriptures for titles and was so happy to see people expressing their faith that I started to read them. I found your blog by clicking on a link from, I think, the Couch's blog...
Anyway, I really just wanted to touch base with you, for now, and tell you that I was really moved by your writing and all that you are going through. There is so much I would like to express to you... to let you know that you are not alone. You are NOT alone. I have experienced so many trials and so much heartache over the past few yrs.. and this is after many yrs of walking with the Lord and submitting to His word. I think I am finally seeing His plan in all this... but, I have to admit, it has been awhile since I have felt His favor. I know, as I am sure you do, that there are many Godly things people can say to help you feel better. I know all the sayings! And I know they are true and sincere! But sometimes it just doesn't seem to help when, basically, you feel like God has turned his back on you... and prayers are not answered.
Having said all that, for now, I just want you to know that somewhere out there someone you don't even know is praying for you. I will continue to pray for you and check back on your blog to see how things are going. If you want to write to me please feel free to do so... In the meantime, keep pressing in with the Lord. -texas.meg
Ugh - we all have our storms. I will keep you all in prayer and don't think we don't all struggle with battle between the Lord's will and our own. Yay for when we get to heaven and finally understand all this!!
Goodness! I don't think I've talked to you in a while, as I had no idea about your miscarriage or the busted jaw. And puking? Oh, I'm so with you! I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot right now and I'll be praying for your peace of mind and your entire family to be healthy.
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